I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize