I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
