Umm I'm too high to move.
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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