It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
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