Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
