look no pants
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
