Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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