i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
Randomize