If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
