i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Randomize