I think im going to throw up on grandma
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
