I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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