I'm eating all of the evidence.
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
Randomize
