if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Randomize
