I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
