Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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