you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize