wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize
