If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
Well I just put wine in my tea
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Randomize
