Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
Randomize
