Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Randomize
