it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
