i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
