you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
tell me about the fingering
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
