woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
