My hair reeks of homosexuality.
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
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