You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
Randomize