there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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