Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
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