I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
