we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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