Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
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