Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
