The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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