hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
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