are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
