Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
