You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
