i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
