nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
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