Cold hands, warm shart.
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
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