The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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