Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
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