no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
Bring me that man meat
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Randomize
