someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize