community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Randomize
