I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
