Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
They took my balls.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
Randomize
