I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
