i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
it was like eating out sand paper
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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