If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
Walk of Shame today included voting.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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