I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
Randomize
