I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
Randomize
