We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
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