I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
