Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
