I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
Randomize
