i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
