Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize