so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
Randomize
