Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
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