I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
Randomize