ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
