I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
He uses pillows to masturbate.
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Randomize
