The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Randomize
