Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
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