Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Randomize
