Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
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