Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
