I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
I just googled if crying burns calories
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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