LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Randomize
