I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
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