Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
