i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
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