I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
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