In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
