apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
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