Tell her she can't have a vagina
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
