Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
Randomize
