VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize