woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Randomize
