I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
So how did finding that girl you know on GGW go?
I was so pissed when it just previews her all covered up. It would have been easier to just have sex with her
Yeah but then you would have a case of genitals gone wild
I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Randomize
