my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Randomize