I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
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