I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
You pole danced in your parka.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
Randomize
