not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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