Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
