I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
Randomize
