I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
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