I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
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