I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
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