you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
Randomize
