My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Randomize
