what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Randomize