My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
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