I think I won the penis lottery.
is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
