It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
I am available for nakedness
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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