Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Randomize
