One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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