So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
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